Welcome to the Egomaniac Club

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Alien-nation

I recently got into a spat about my last blog entry. Quite aside from the standard criticism that my in-your-face sense, no-holds-barred sense of humor will get me punched in the face, my friend expressed the concern that I'm insensitive and that my joke about Mexicans in Star Trek perpetuates a stereotype and is wrong and unfunny. I would like to make clear that I absolutely intend no offense. I do not believe that all Mexicans are cleanears nor do I think that they will, for any reason, be obsolete in the 23rd century. People and cultures don't become obsolete I am sure that Hispanics, Jews, Asians, Arabs, Africans, Europeans, Australians, Antarcticans and possibly Americans will serve on intergalactic starships in the future. I would also like to make clear that I think the joke is funny. I don't know what life would be like if poking fun at things without disclaimers was a crime, boring and unfun I imagine. To highlight the point I will tell you all a story about something I encountered at the University of Michigan, a bastion of Affirmative Action which, unfortunately, sometimes encourages over political correctness.

At a particular meeting the Residence Halls Association was attempting to brainstorm fun events that it might bring to campus. I was in a group which included two white girls and a Latino fellow. For those who don't know, I myself am a Chinese Jew, Polish Jew (a drastic unacknoweldged minority derived from two regular unacknowldged minorities).During the meeting the Latino fellow suggested that we have a "politically incorrect day" where we could all get together and revel in the foolishness of racial stereotyping. We could invite Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle, Russell Peters and sing that song from Avenue Q.

I enthusiastically seconded the proposal thinking it would be quite a funny thing. The two white girls, however, put on such a face. Their tight lipped mouths were twisted in disgust and I think the other guy and me eventually made their jaws drop in a bad way. They did not think that any sort of race concious humor was funny and were very offended for us. Even though we two were minorities and thought jokes about our ethnic groups were funny, and were able to separate fact from fiction, our white counterparts were terribly offended that someone would make a remark about the way I'm stingy or the way he gelled his hair. My counterpart and I thanked the other group members for their concern and, after explaining that we were actually cool with the jokes and that "politically correct day" is a funny idea, they walked away and stopped talking to us. Ultimately "politically correct day" was never instituted, which I expected. But plenty of people thought the idea was funny.

As it turns out, many people feel different ways about racially sensitive humor. Personally, I can respect the opinion that these jokes aren't nice, most joke aren't. On the other hand, this country is composed, nay, founded on the grouping together of all different people's and cultures. Additionaly, this country in particular has had a unique experience with the issue of race. Attempting to take all the strain and cultural differences and force them under the surface can lead to festering and resentment. For some, repression works well, for many, the best thing is to confront and release tension through humor. Certainly that's better than releasing it through the barell of a gun. For those who think they truly are race blind, well, they won't think the jokes funny but they'll also be oblivious to the reality of America. So with that, I just hope that the reality of this alien-nation will not lead to alienation.

Everyday Realizations: Star Trek, teachings for a better life

As it turns out, there are no Mexicans in Star Trek. There are representatives from everywhere else, Asians, Blacks, Whites, even aliens (ETs) but no Mexicans. You may ask yourself why but it's really quite obvious. In the future, starships clean themselves.

Everyday Realizations: Do you Know Jacques Poos?

Do you Know Jacques Poos?
Of course, isn't it obvious? Why, doesn't everyone poo? Was he constipated? Is this news?

Jacques Poos was the EU president, this guys name is really a walking joke to people who speak English. Man, how sweet would life be to be in a meeting with Jacques Poos and some Chinese guy named Yu Pu Tu. I'd be like, "hey, do you know Jacques Poos?" And some other person would say, "Sure, I also know Yu Pu Tu." Even if there weren't a Yu Pu Tu, having the opportunity to be introduced or to introduce Jacques Poos...what international mayhem. Vote Ben for President, for what other President would think this up or have the good grace to use it?

Wo Shi Shei?

"ben you know that you have a tendency to self agrandize alot? a simple thank you would be humble and classy response to that complement"

Superhuman Talents Defined

Dave Mira's focus is NOT a superhuman talent and even if it were I wouldn't choose it if I had one fucking choice for a super human talent. I would choose omnipotence. At the very best Dave Mira's "super human talent" would only make you a talented human at best, what with still being constrained by all other human limitations. Screw you X-games, get your words straight and stop maligning truly superhuman talents everywhere.

A Whole New Kind of Movie

Hey all, I've got a great idea for a slammin' new movie. It's about a ghetto dancer who meets an upscale ballet dancer. Then, for some reason they have to work together...there's a competition or some way to stay out of jail...I haven't really worked out the details but isn't this TOTALLY AWESOME? It'll be the melding of two cultures and art forms into something no one's ever seen.

First, it's gonna have a really hot female lead and second it'll have a really buff male lead. The real twist, though, is it'll be about an Asian breaker with a white ballet dancer (or some other shade of honkey - maybe Southern Europe, like Spain or something...Catalan...). The movie will have a totally awesome and original title too to highlight what it's about. My working title is Exzibit: A-Z-N.

So, also, the movie will have crazy good, almost racist dialogue. Like, when the 25 year old Asian dude I hire is in the white high school and shows off, then some white or oreo cheerleader will say "Damn, Banana smoothie is off the hook." Also, there will be mad good pick up lines. Like, dude will show up and insult ballet and the girl will say, "so you think you can dance? Catch me." And then the she'll run at the boy and when he catches her he'll say "What now?" as she starts to take off her top.

So, if you haven't figured out that I'm making fun of, and very upset with the new movie Step Up, which actually bothers to rip off a bunch of bad movies, then you should leave. But if you have figured that out and ask "what about Dirty Dancing" I respond: Dirty Dancing is OK because it was the first and it was made in the 80s.